Sometimes you can’t just ‘Decide’ to become a parent

Contrary to popular belief, sometimes you can’t just decide to become a parent.  I learned this the hard way.

I had been with my partner for 10 years and throughout that time people always asked us when we’re getting married and when we’re having kids. We always knew we wanted a family but we just didn’t feel ready yet. We enjoyed going out and traveling and just doing whatever we wanted.

So at this 10 year mark we end up getting pregnant. Not planned, and we were shocked but also surprised by the excitement we felt. Turns out not only are we pregnant, but we’re pregnant with Twins!! We are pretty terrified but also extremely happy. We didn’t realize how much we wanted children until this happened. As we go for our first ultra sound we are filled with just this new excitement, it’s really unbelievable.

This was unfortunately short lived. When we do the ultra sound after the doctor tells us there are 2 baby sacs, he also informs us that there are no babies inside. He tells us we might just be a little early and we’d wait a week and check again. This went on for another month, checking, no babies and coming back the next week. It turned out they were blighted ovums.

I had never heard of this happening and did not know this was a thing. So after getting educated on blighted ovums we we’re really heartbroken. So it turns out, sometimes your body recognizes that something might not be right with the egg or sperm so you get pregnant, but it doesn’t let the baby form. Once your body recognizes that, you should go through a miscarriage process. Unfortunately, sometimes your body doesn’t recognize it right away and for your own safety they recommend you take a pill or have a DNC, to get the empty sacs out of your body.

After experiencing this, we we’re so heartbroken but also fueled with a need to have a baby. We never realized how much we really wanted a family until this happened. So we decided to try and have a baby. We actually had trouble getting pregnant for a while after. Finally almost one year later we we’re pregnant again. This was followed by a miscarriage at 6 weeks. Heartbroken again, we we’re determined to try.

Now, 2 months before we found out we were pregnant the 2nd time, we got engaged. So after this 2nd time, I decided to focus on planning our wedding. Now I am Catholic and when we visited our priest I asked him if he wanted us to stop trying until after we were married. He said, no but don’t try. Just give it up to God and let it just happen, don’t ‘try’ to force it to happen. After hearing this, I did exactly that and I started focusing on the wedding. touring venues and all that fun stuff. We were down to 2 venues that we really liked and trying to figure out which one we wanted to book. We were set to make that decision when we find out we’re pregnant.

We’re excited but nervous because of the past. Now another year had pasted btw. So this is year 3 of wanting a baby. This time when we go to the Doctors, we see our baby. It was one of the most emotional experiences. We both cried and we’re just so happy. We kept saying we don’t care if it’s a girl or boy, we just want a healthy baby.  Can I tell you, we had just that. A beautiful, perfect baby girl!

I tell you my story because when people asked when we were going to have kids, we always said “when we’re ready”. The truth is, you don’t always know when you’re ready. Also just because you decide that you’re ready doesn’t mean your going to automatically be blessed with a child.

After my experience and talking to other moms it actually turned out that many women were having the same experiences. They decided they we’re ready only to realize it wasn’t that easy. Now I know if I would have known we were going to have a difficult time I would have definitely tried sooner.

I hope my story helps you realize that you are not alone and wishes do come true. If you have any questions or would like to know more, please feel free to contact me and ask. I’m here for you.

If you didn’t ready any of that above, just watch the video for a similar recap:

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